turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.