she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.