Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.