can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday