Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
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in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.