This is not my ceiling
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!