she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize