Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Im part way to drunk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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