i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
