Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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