Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
