She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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