ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
