Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
