okay pat passed out under dana's car
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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