I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
