omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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