you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
