come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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