she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
