She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
