She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
