College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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