I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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