WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
