Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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