I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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