My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
