Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
