Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.