Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize