I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
