I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
