Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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