I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
