is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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