my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
