This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
