i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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