I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
