Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
