Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
