Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
