I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
