The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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