Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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