I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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