i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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