I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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