my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
