8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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