im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
