There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
