Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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