This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
