I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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