bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
