somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
