Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
