I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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