I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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