that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize