3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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