Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
