she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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