i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
