Your tits are I can't wait for
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
