he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
