Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
